Some people are quite keen to meet ‘aliens’ and others seem to dread the prospect.

If you ask me, the “aliens” are already here, walking among us, living in our houses, eating our food, pointing out that all we do is so ‘dead’ and outdated. (Not surprising, after all they are visitors from the future!)

I live with two aliens and one child (and a very absent husband who shows alien traits on occasion). The “Fully-FLedged Alien” just turned 14 this week. The ‘Semi Alien’ is 12 and delights in copying his older brother.

The FF Alien used to be the most gorgeous human being you can imagine: he smiled at every stranger and once told me there are “only two kinds of people” in our world: “friends you already know” and “friends you have not yet met”.

The Semi Alien has been called a ‘human angel to look at’ by some. He has still got the looks but his attitude and language no longer match the angelic look.

So what do aliens talk about over breakfast? Let me tell you….

This morning both aliens told me a creation myth of their own making: ‘A guy called God was feeling bored, walking the Milky Way. He was feeling lonely as well. He was bouncing a ball in his pocket and got so fed up with always been alone that he chucked the ball down into the Milky Way. That ball was captured by the gravity of the Sun. It pulled into an orbit and met another ball almost as big as herself. That ball was called the Moon. You guessed right: that ball was Earth! The Sun helped the Earth gather star dust and mix it with clouds. That mix created a great ocean on Earth and from that First Ocean all living beings emerged over time. So that is what we all are: a mix of stardust and water with pinch of Lonely God….’

The aliens did guitar, tuba and piano practice. The aliens went to school. The aliens came home again at 3.15 pm and their mood had not improved. Spending the day with a seething mass of fellow aliens has that effect on them…. unfortunately…

The aliens reported crimes committed on the premises (He kicked me! He refused to get out of my way!!) Sadly we cannot assume that aliens are going to be peace-loving creatures.

Over dinner the aliens have one very favourite subject: ridiculing that embarrassing female human who cooks and cleans for them and buys them calculators and ties for school. Today’s discussion was: do we love her or not? FF Alien said: I sort of love her I suppose. Semi Alien said: I don’t. but at least I am not a liar, like you are!

The embarrassing human kept her cool, laughed loudly (and made a mental note to cry the minute she was all alone, like the guy called God).

And you know, I think these aliens truly ARE made of stardust and water, sclientist say WE ALL ARE. And I think they truly lived on other planets in other universes before their soul decided to try Planet Earth. They will outlive us and are, quite literally, our future.

So… for whatever it is worth, this is an Alien Report by the Most Embarrassing Woman on Mother Earth (AKA “Mum”)

Imelda Almqvist